I'm a big NPR junkie, especially of the show, "This American Life."
On a recent episode, there was a short segment on people who have changed their strongly held belief...and why they changed. One essay was by Courtney Davis, FNP. Her essay regarded her former belief: patients need happy, upbeat caregivers. From this guy (who has seen way too much happy sappy B.S. from caregivers), I'm happy to hear Courtney changed her belief. Her reason for the switcheroo? Evaluating her own actions as her mother lay dying.
"I didn't know then that I could have climbed into bed and held her, that I should have wailed when she was gone. I no longer comfort others with false cheer."
Just a few nights ago, I was at a reception with some acquaintances. One of the gentlemen asked (in that all-too-skittish way) how I'd lost my sight. I've perfected a quick answer to this question, one that gives the entire story in as few words as possible, but one that leaves the door open if that person wants to know more. However, the biggest thing I want to convey in my answer is that I'm okay. This experience didn't break me. Instead, it reinforced me.
When I gave my usual answer, it was obvious this person had more questions. I assured him I was happy to answer anything he wanted to know. Yet, he still felt the need to ask questions that punched like kid gloves. "Um, you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but were you angry?" and "I don't mean to pry, but how did you get through that?" and "Please don't think I'm trying to insult you, but how do you use a computer?"
The overall feeling I got from this person was that he believed his questions could possibly make a bad situation worse. Not possible. And if questions are respectful, they're always welcome. Yet, he clung so tightly to the notion that questions are disrespectful or hurtful. Kinda like the mom with the kid at the store who sees an amputee and has questions. Almost always, the parent will hush the child. Why? As if the amputee doesn't know his/her legs have been removed? As if a legit question about my computer will mean I'm more blind?
Caregivers-do not be afraid of the truth. To dance around reality highlights just how horrible the situation is for the patient. They're not stupid, they're not oblivious...and it's insulting to have no one recognize and legitimize that their situation, well, just sucks.
False cheer...there's no place for it in a hospital setting. Thank you, Courtney, for your words and attitude and respect of patients.
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